Taking turns, not interrupting, echoing, setting a time limit, keeping expectations modest.
The structured approach to having these conversations is, in principle, pretty simple, though actually sticking to the format might not be.
Here are the ground rules for Talk/Listen conversations:
- Set a time limit (20-40 minutes is a reasonable goal).
- Decide randomly who should begin.
- Person 1 starts talking, speaks for a minute or two.
- When Person 1 stops talking, Person 2 makes sure he/she/they’re done. If so, Person 2 echoes the major points, and maybe captures some of the feeling, that Person 1 has expressed, then asks if he/she/they echoed all of it pretty well. If not, Person 1 asks for corrections or additions. (“I didn’t say “….” I said “….” And you forgot “….”) Person 2 repeats the corrections and then asks if he/she/they got everything. This continues until Person 1 feels the echoing and fixes have been pretty much right.
- Person 2 speaks in whatever way they want, not necessarily in response to the points that Person 1 has made, though they might want to respond to those. After speaking for a minute or two, Person 1 then echoes the points made by Person 2 and checks whether the echoing is sufficient, corrects Person 2 as above, and the conversation repeats as before.
- The conversation continues until time is up. At that point, the last person speaking finishes, the other person echoes and checks whether the echoing has been adequate and makes necessary additions, and then both say thank you and goodbye.
- Simple!
6. Ground rules: no interrupting, no sarcasm, no insults, no threatening speech, no personal solicitations. If one finds a conversation partner who violates any of these rules, one should give a warning. If there is a correction of the violation, the conversation can go on. But, if things continue to not go well, one should simply say “thank you and goodbye” and hang up.
This is not a dating site, nor a site for other, more personal, kinds of conversations, and it is up to the participants, if they mutually desire to have that kind of conversation, to arrange have it elsewhere.
7: Expectations: There should be none, except to express one’s own position and to hear the other with a mutual sense of decency and a sense of connection that might bring. Other than that, one should not expect the other to be converted to one’s own view, or even to come to a compromise position. Despite that elimination of expectations about conversion, reconciliation or compromise, one should indeed expect a decent and respectful interchange that provides its own kind of reward.